


you've got to let me go

by orphan_account



Category: The Maze Runner (2014), The Maze Runner Series - All Media Types, The Maze Runner Series - James Dashner
Genre: Angst, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Poetry, The Death Cure Spoilers, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-09
Updated: 2015-04-09
Packaged: 2018-03-22 00:58:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3709157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The notes Newt never gave Minho.</p>
            </blockquote>





	you've got to let me go

**Author's Note:**

> Because I find it hard to believe Newt didn't at least try to write Minho a note first.

Do you remember the days spent clinging to hope and the nights spent wondering about the world outside? Do you remember lying side by side with our shoulders touching underneath the stars and dreaming of meadows and beach houses and happily ever afters? And it's sad, because we came so close to all of it, but instead our story's gonna end with a bullet in my brain and you behind the trigger.

...

I used to dream

Of your lips on mine

Of your skin under my fingertips

Of your hands in my hair

Now I dream of a gun in your hand

And a bullet with my name on it

Please Minho please

...

I've never believed in anything more than I believe in you Min. I've never once doubted that you'll keep your promises, because you're my hero and if there's one thing I can count on it's that you'll save me. But you can't save me now, not like you want to. There is no cure, there is no escape, the only way you can save me from the monster I'm becoming is by giving me the one thing I was denied in the maze.

But you won't give it to me, will you?

Guess you're not my bloody hero after all.

...

I'm sorry we didn't have more time. I'm sorry we're not going to get that bloody beach house and the happy ending we dreamed about. But its not your fault Minho. It's never been your fault.

Maybe those dreams about that beach house are less about the ocean and more about just being together anyway.

~~I hope so.~~

You're the reason I've made it this long, you know. There's been so many times I've just wanted it all to be over, but I promised you I wouldn't leave you.

I'm sorry I'm going to have to break that promise.

You showed me that life was worth living. I lived for those moments we could steal, just the two of us, they kept me going. Do you remember in the Scorch, when we were sharing that sheet? My leg was hurting, and you insisted on carrying me even though you were struggling to keep walking yourself. When I asked you why, you said I was worth it. I could see the love in your eyes, Min. I wanted to kiss you, then and there, but I didn't. I told myself that that wasn't the place, that we'd have all the time in the world once we reached that Safe Haven.

I'm sorry I didn't realize we were running on borrowed time.

I'm sorry I didn't spend more of that time loving you.

Mostly I'm sorry for what seeing me fall apart is going to do to you. Please don't let it break you.

And I'm sorry for asking you to put a bullet through my brain before it's too late.

It's not your fault Minho. It could never be your fault.

Thank you for everything.

...

I don't want to lose you

I don't want you to leave me

But I don't want  you to see me like this

Don't want you to watch me go insane

I don't want to have to ask you to kill me either

But I guess I don't really have much of a choice

Sorry

...

Do you remember that day back in the Glade, after I jumped off the bloody Maze walls and woke with a shucked up leg and you holding my hand? You made me promise that whatever happened, I wouldn't do it again.

I can feel the Flare creeping up my throat, pulling at me, tearing the person I used to be to shreds, and I don't want to die like that. I want to die as myself, Minho. But I made a promise to you and by the time I get to the point where I'll be willing to break it it'll be too late.

And that's why I need you to do it.

I don't want to live like this anymore Minho.

I'm sorry.

...

I want to ask you not to leave me.

Want to ask you to stick by my side, refuse to let me slip away.

Wasn't that our promise, way back in the Scorch? We're in this together. You won't leave me behind.

Except now, staying means death, and leaving means a shot at paradise. Who am I to ask you to give that up?

I know I don't need to. You'll stay whether I ask you to or not. But how can I let you? There's no hope for me now.

Get out of here while you still can.

...

I'm sorry I didn't have more time to love you.

...

Hope's never been something I've had a lot of but

You always said you'd have enough hope for the both of us

There's only hope for one of us now and I'm not going to lie and say it's me

~~The only hope I have now is a bullet in my brain~~

…

I've never really understood why you love me.

I know you do, even if you've never said it. I like to think you know I love you too.

You call me beautiful sometimes, even when I'm dirty and weary and beaten.

Will you still think I'm pretty when I'm eating little kids for breakfast?

Don't lie to yourself Minho. You know that's what's gonna happen. I'm a bloody Crank, remember?

I wonder if you'll still love me when I'm begging you to kill me.

I guess we'll find out.

...

It wasn't supposed to end like this

It was supposed to end in a beach house by the ocean under blue skies, with flowers in my hair and your hand in mine.

Instead it's going to end with my body rotting on a street, a bullet in my head, and you, alone, in some kind of a paradise.

Try to be happy, Minho.

~~I know you won't be.~~

Please try.

…

I don't know why I'm bothering to ask. I know you won't do it. But don't you deserve to at least know what's happened to me?

~~Kill me, Minho, please.~~

 Maybe not. It's not like you'd do it for me anyways.


End file.
